The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
