1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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