The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
