Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
