A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
