So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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