he was CRYING into my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
