I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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