I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
