he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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