Don't you send me to vm
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
