I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
