nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
