That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
