I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
