remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
