i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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