Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
