he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
