Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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