the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
