Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
