Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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