I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
