I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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