It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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