Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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