p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there's paper in my vomit.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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