you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
