You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize