just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
