Your mouth is God's brothel.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
