Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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