We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
