Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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