You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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