I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
