Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
