i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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