I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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