fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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