I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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