So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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