I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
