The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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