butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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