I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize