dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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