In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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