I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
