How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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