You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
