her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
