...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
