my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
