Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
