3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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