Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
