And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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