I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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