Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
