Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize