I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize