Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
