i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
