I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize