Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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