My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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