I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
