I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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