Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
