Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize