meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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