i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am midnight drunk by noon
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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