Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
