3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
