Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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