i love accidental penises.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's like iHOP with fire
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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