I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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