Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
