Someone shit on the floor
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
