I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
