Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
