drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize