did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
