How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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