That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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