Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize