Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize