Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
