i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My pussy is not your playground.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
