broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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