i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
