so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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