i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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