Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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